Oh Please

Oh God,
whoever who You are,
I pray for Your guidance,
that I could pass through this challenge without much troubles.

Oh God,
forgive me for my naive,
I pray for Your blessing,
that the Justice could be seen.

Oh God,
please do hear me out,
I pray for miracle,
that this challenge will let me see a miracle.

Oh God,
I do believe in miracle,
"miracle is for those who believe in it."
i believe this for eternity,
i saw it on the others,
and i pray that this time,
it will be on me.

FUCK OFF CUPID

Stop your arching,
what i saw only tragedy.

Stop your shooting,
what i saw only lies.

Fuck off Cupid,
for you bring only despair.

Fuck off Cupid,
for you blind the hearts of humans.


Halt your bow,
its giving fake promises.

Halt your arrow,
its sending wrong signals.

So fuck off Cupid,
you ain't a well being.

So fuck off Cupid,
you're the devil in disguise.


Hold your fire,
the arrow is shooting aimlessly.

Hold your shot,
the bolt is firing imprecisely.

Do fuck off Cupid,
'cause sorrow is roaming.

Do fuck off Cupid,
'cause sadness is lurking.


End this madness,
humanity is corrupting.

End this insanity,
morality is rotting.

Fuck off Cupid,
I disbelief in love.

Fuck off Cupid,
I lost trust in love.

P/S:
Dedicated to those couples,
if you are in sweetness, take on your responsibility.
if you are in bitterness, remember your self-esteem.

He Cry (III)

Actually, been wondering whether i should keep on writing about this post anyway, with the title repeating at "He Cry"???

Well, let's get on.

Until today, there is no judgment or punishment on that poor kid.
Whether its the inefficient of our school discipline and administration or actually the judgment was just giving a warning, its still is a good news.

He comes to school everyday, as normal as he could...
But i still couldn't brace up myself to say that,"I am sorry."

We met again today, when i was urging the students to the hall for assembly.
I'd been imagined of this moment that i would just approach him and apologize.

But i couldn't.

Because of that eyesight,
the eyesight that shows no emotion,
frozen my will to approach him...

as i guessed that i won't be brave enough, i'd wrote a letter,
a letter to apologize to him,
i put inside his drawer,
but i donno whether he read or not,
God please tell me...

He comes with no emotion,
but he shows his true self when he is with his friends...
the first time i saw his smile since last week,
i know that its from deep within his heart..
how sarcastic it is,
that a kid with a soothing smile has to face such problems?

I am marching myself into the 2x-years-old,
and still i myself hate so much on my life,
what more is it for a kid like him?

Now i've been thinking,
why on the earth that those parents want to get married and have children?
where the outcome of this stupid action is putting the children into unlimited despair?

they are hurt, and so was I, hurt by my father...
they need love, and so am I, want to be loved by my father...

but they are not there, when we need them the most...
when we felt lonely, they were somewhere else...
when we fell, they scolded us more...
when we soared, they denied our efforts...

they thought that money is everything...
but they never know that, love is what we need...

Home is never a home for us, its only a house...
friends are who we find when we are in trouble, its not family anymore...

Most romantic festival, Valentine Day has just passed..
uncountable couples express their loves to each other by any means they can effort to..
I Love You,
I need you,
You are the only one,
words like these could be heard anywhere,
but were they realize, how much responsibilities that these words bring along?

To those couples, stop saying I Love You if you not even know the responsibility of loving someone..
To those parents, stop arguing on each other that your children are neglected...

Whether its his case, be it my case, our cases are still just something small in these problematic morally-rotten society...

Whoever that you are, spread the word, don't let the hope of a child vanished....

Lastly, i hope that one day when we meet again, he loves and is loved...

He Cry (II)

Started my day,
thinking of that boy's case,
did the judgment been sentenced?
really wondering about it...

Early in the morning,
i straight away went to the D.Room,
finding a chance to ask D.Master about that boy's case...

Head Prefect was there,
feeling weird just to point out my question,
i waited till the right time...

Unexpectedly, Head P. asked D.Master about that boy too...
After all, we Prefects are warm-blooded people...

And the answer that i heard,
part of it relief my worry,
yet part of it cause another problem rose...

i never thought that,
we shared the same family background,
its just that his problems are way more serious than mine,
though mine not any better,
and his financial background should be better than mine,
where his handphone is high-tech till giving us hard time to check the files.

yet the good news is,
he is not sentenced to any punishment,
and he still attends the school...
but he will have a hard time to face his hot-shot grandmother...

his parents do not give him the care they should,
they left him and his elderly sister for his grandmother,
yet his grandmother comes home late everyday,
working to raise them,
his elderly sister doesn't give him the sibling care she should,
that everyday she comes home and changes and goes out with her lover..
lack of love,
lack of care,
everyday he indulges himself in the cyber cafe,
and that is how exactly cause him to bring the porn implemented CDs to the school,
because he was pushed by those gangsters that he met at the cyber cafe...

and i finally know,
the meaning of the tears,
its the tears of losing hope,
its the tears of scaring his grandmother,
its the tears of couldn't find support in his life...

where are his parents?

he needs them the most...

i hope that i can share my stories to him,
i hope that i can give him a heave to stand up from the pit of despair,
provided the D.Master let me to,
provided he is willing to open his locked heart...
for i thought that,
he does not deserve this...
he could be a better one...

as for the judgment,
it will all be decided by the principal...

He Cry (I)

-Editted-

If i really were a professional song composer and lyric writer, i would compose a song for this poor kid and the title of the song would be :" He Cry".

I really have to say that,
i never felt this terrible,
i never felt that bad,
i never felt this much of guiltiness,
i start to think that the pride on entitled "The Smartest Two AJKs"-Gan and I ( of course i am talking bout myself) that actually means, "The Cruelest One" - I myself.

I really felt that i was cruel to him,
that if i were to respond to his actions,
he would have not to face such situation,
which the worst judgment on him,
would be being banned from the school.

I thought this myself,
why would i just pretend that he was just simply looking at me?
why would i didn't notice that his actions were just simply signaling me to stop?
why would i have to be a bullshit to not study well the school handbook which actually tell us the judgment on this offense?
because if i really studied it, i would pretend i didn't see that so that he can escape from this cruelest judgment.

Its not warning letter,
its not detention,
its not confronting of parents with teacher,
but ban.

I really donno its my lucky day or i just stamp on a dog shit in the morning.
Why would i get reversed to the bag checkers instead of recording the names at the spot check on the last class?
Why would i was the one that should check that column?
Is it really faith and destiny?
For if not, i won't typing this post at all.
For i won't have that much of terrible, guilty and bad feeling.
I will be okay.

He was angry,
He was furious,
He was awkward,
He was emotional,
He was trying to control his feelings,
but the more he control himself,
things just got worse.

His eyes stared at me, angrily...
Yet, i was not scared...
Instead, i felt pity for him...
His eyes, showing all the innocence...
I really felt that,
i made the wrong decision.

I thought he will be released as usual,
for this school really have a loose detention system.
But from what i see,
things going serious...

When i was acknowledged by my comrades,
i dropped my jaws, speechless...
unbelieving what i heard, i asked for confirmation from the discipline master.
And she said, its truth.

Even worse, situation going off track.

We met each other again,
during the recess time..
He was sitting, waiting outside of the discipline room..
He was still trying to control himself,
but i could see that he cried.
Tears filling his eyes, they were red...

When he saw me, again, he threw the furious eyes he could on me,
but honestly, i was not scared and as i said, i felt so sorry for him..
And i know, that from today, i won't forget that pairs of eyes...
they are just telling me that, how cruel am I...

I tried to be friendly by giving him body gestures, but it seemed not working.
To prevent him getting attention of other students and feeling awkward, i positioned myself near to him to stop students going near him.

This moment, i saw his tears rushing down, he wiped away, trying to control it..
This moment, my heard broken apart, i just couldn't stand it anymore..

I walked into the D.Room and asked for tissue,
D.Master asked me to ask him to enter the room, so to not get attention of students.
I led him inside, which in respond, another eyes judgment on me, and i placed the tissue for him.

I left.

On my way back, I can't stop myself thinking of what will happen on him.
Ban?
Expel?
I can't imagine it...

Donno whether its my lucky day or the inverse of it,
i caught a guy smoking in the toilet...
Donno whether its faith or destiny, again,
i had to report to the D.Master...

simply means, we met again...

And i really didn't ready myself to take in what i saw,
he collapsed, broke into crying out,
trembling, his body reacted from the pressure that rushing out from his body,
there were just so many tissues on the D.Master's table...
i really can't take in this...
hiding my own feeling,
i faked out a smile after reported to the D.Master,
and i left for my Chemistry Class..

During the class, i couldn't focus at all..
The scene that i saw,
the eyes that filled with tears,
they just kept on roaming inside my head,
couldn't shake it away...

i thought that we won't meet again, at least not today,
but who know, God seemed to play things opposite our minds,
he was there, again, when its the second recess..
i could see that, he was calmer than before...
eyes returning to normal condition,
but the eyesight that shot into my heart was still the same...
however,
this time, he never looked at me...
he kept on looking at a distance sky,
i wonder what was he looking at...

i tried to brace myself to approach him,
tried to brave myself to apologize to him,
tried to force myself to befriend with him,
but the guiltiness,
but the terrible feeling,
mixed,
to make myself back off,
the courage that i braced all these time,
gone and lost, my bravery...

there was his friend,
sitting with him,
trying to liven up his mood,
i guessed,
and it seemed working,
at least he talked...

later that day, i couldn't stop myself,
from thinking of him,
what exactly will happen to him?
how could he handle the stress that suddenly rush into him?

then i found out,
that pair of eyes,
still in my mind,
even in my dream...

insomniac,
cuz of an action that i really regret...